KY Yours and Mine Jelly

We here at USDILDO were recently tasked with assessing the effectiveness of a new product named KY Yours and Mine Jelly. Of course we scientists are well aware of the exceptional lubricating properties of KY Jelly. Not only did we perform extensive trials with the jelly, but our dedicated scientists continue to test it whenever possible.

Given the efficacy of the original KY Jelly, USDILDO were highly skeptical of the need for the "Yours and Mine" update. To be quite honest, we felt this was most likely no more than some fancy marketing ploy. Being scientists, we knew we had to put our preconceptions aside and perform thorough, unbiased testing on these new jellies.

Not surprisingly, initial tests showed that the new jellies were similar in lubricating functionality to the original jelly. Now the trick would be to determine if the his/her jellies had any enhanced properties when applied to the male/female. Unfortunately, even after sponsoring the testing with female partners for several months, the majority of scientist felt they'd like to continue with extended field testing. Having exhausted our limited budget to hire escorts, USDILDO decided to make the unprecedented move of testing the jellies on inanimate male and female objects.

We acquired boatloads of the jellies and applied generous amounts of the male lube onto our next rocket due to be launched. To our amazement, readings proved that the rocket launched with substantially lower fuel consumption. Additionally, after the female lube had been applied to the docking station, astronauts reported a much smoother, more satisfying docking experience. Future testing needs to be done to see if cars covered in "his" lube will get better gas mileage and if coating garages in "her" jelly might not afford a more fluid, gratifying entry.

This article is sponsored by the United States Department Investigating Lubricant Dynamics Oversight (USDILDO). "Where there's wetness near, we dare appear without fear."

Double Dildo Dilemma (now that's 3D for ya)

It has come to our attention that while the standard dildo is quite functional in stimulating the female vagina to high levels of arousal and often leading to orgasms given the correct conditions, the double dildo is frequently misunderstood and misused. Of course the standard dildo is very simple to operate. Lube is applied and then the device is rubbed over the clitoral area and stroked into the vagina to maximize the woman's pleasure.

There are many more variables involved with the double dildo making it exceptionally tricky to operate expertly. With multiple vaginae there will be variances in lubrication, vagina size, strength of contractions, depth of canal, angle of entry, etc. These differences will all affect the performance of the double dildo. Unfortunately, if these issues are not addressed properly, we may end up with the unacceptable result of the dildo being essentially locked in one woman's vagina while sliding freely in and out of her partner.

The core of the problem comes down to the difference between static and sliding friction. The "stuck" end of the dildo must overcome the higher static friction while the moving end easily glides given its lower sliding friction. And that's all there is to it, it is the simple laws of physics!

One may rectify the issue by having one partner firmly hold the dildo with their hand. Another option is to choose a rigid dildo as opposed to the flexible variety. According to a double blind study 99.98 percent of women preferred the rigid dildo over the flexible dong. Go figure.

This article is sponsored by the United States Department Investigating Lubricant Dynamics Oversight (USDILDO). "Where there's wetness near, we dare appear without fear."